Yesterdays PET scan results came back quick today, they called to let me know they saw NOTHING in my lungs, so that, with yesterday's MRI results on "the girls" show NO CANCER!!!!!!!
I can't thank each and every one of you enough for each prayer, meal, ride for my kids, babysitting/playdates for my kids, taking care of my sick kid, beautiful card or gift, HUGS lotsa lotsa HUGS, text, email or phone call, walks, every little and big thing each one of you did, THANK YOU! It's been a rough road, and we're not quite done yet (surgery in January, and then 6 wks of radiation to follow after healing from surgery), but we are thru what I've been told is the hardest part, chemo and learning if the chemo had been effective. I'm both so grateful for the chemotherapy and I pray I NEVER have to do that again in life, ever.
Of course, we need to pray that cancer stays gone and we will pray for that, but today we 🎆🙌 CELEBRATE!!! 🌟
5 months 2 days after diagnosis, this is such great news to hear!
As we've been approaching this day, the day where all results would be revealed, it's been bittersweet, because we have all prayed for this result, and yet I knew that it was possible it could have just as easily gone the other way. Either way, God is still good and on the throne and He knows what is best. How to convey that to my kids? But I truly believed it to be true, I still do. And so the faith journey continues...
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Friday, December 16, 2016
Schedule
Wanted to update specifics on appts. for those of you who would like to know.
12/22/16-3 scans MRI, echo-cardiogram and bone scan
12/27/16-PET scan
1/3/17-meet with oncologist Dr. Paul to learn results of above scans
1/10/17-Lumpectomy
That's what is on the calendar currently. Thank you for your prayers over these days, thank you for the emails, notes, texts, etc. You are some of the most amazing people I know. THANK YOU!
12/22/16-3 scans MRI, echo-cardiogram and bone scan
12/27/16-PET scan
1/3/17-meet with oncologist Dr. Paul to learn results of above scans
1/10/17-Lumpectomy
That's what is on the calendar currently. Thank you for your prayers over these days, thank you for the emails, notes, texts, etc. You are some of the most amazing people I know. THANK YOU!
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Lots of change this week
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| chemo buddy Debbi embellished the sign, cuz she's artsy that way <3 |
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| My chemo buddy today, Debbi, such a blessing |
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| Nurses extraordinare Shanna & Angela |
Today was the last day for currently prescribed chemo, praying forever. It was a good appt. with the oncologist. Dr. Paul tells me that since the tumor has been virtually gone by physical exam since the 1st chemo treatment, he's encouraged that the breast cells in my lungs would probably also respond in kind. He said there was a 98% chance that all the breast cancer cells in all 3 places in my body should be gone. Praying that's the case and when they do the PET, MRI, & Bone Scan they will find no evidence of any cancer anywhere. I have one of these scans scheduled for 12/27, awaiting insurance authorizations for the others and then they'll likely be scheduled before the year is out.
January 3, we will meet with Dr. Paul again to find out the results of all the scans as well as an Echo Cardiogram to determine how my heart has endured the chemo. Our family asks for your prayers for peace and the ability to leave the results with the Father. And to stop taking them from him in that seemingly endless dance we like to do with Him.
I'm hoping to schedule a lumpectomy when I meet with a surgeon this Friday 12/16. This surgery will likely occur in January.
3 weeks recovery from surgery and then to start 6 weeks of M-F radiation treatments.
The kids continue to handle okay, they are being loved on well by many of you, extra grace and hugs. Thank you for loving on us this way.
So now you are up to date and fully informed as I am, will update when I know more.
Thank you for caring, loving, supporting, praying, feeding, hugging, helping etc. etc. We continue to feel so very supported and loved by so many and keep thanking God for ALL of it.
Below is the verse I shared with you all when I announced our diagnosis, seems to still speak to me today, so I thought it bore repeating. So grateful that this is ALL in His hands and He has overcome the world.
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” —John 16:33
Monday, December 5, 2016
Blessings and Heavy Hearts
This season of life feels like the Dragon Boat ride at Elitches. When we enjoy that tummy-tickling ride to the left, it's exhilarating! When we swing to the right, it's heartbreak/devastation, and then back to the left again. Bizarre this life we all live.
I am enjoying the tremendous, miraculous blessing of having my sister back in our lives
again for the first time in many, many years. It's been such a gift from Father. We laugh, talk thru things, support each other, pray for and encourage one another. For almost a month now. It's been amazing. Last night, much of our family were able to gather to celebrate a 70th bday party. It was so great to all be under one roof again, laughing, eating and being together. Did my heart so very good. All of ours, really. While we missed those who couldn't be with us, we truly enjoyed our time together. This pic is of my sister and 2 of her kids, me and our 3.
Then on the other hand I have friends in crisis, marriages struggling, a child dies in a terrible accident, mental illnesses wreaking havoc, custody issues, more diseases and medical issues. Such hard, hard stuff people I care about are walking through, and we walk alongside them as much as we can.
Life is just flying by and it's hard to take it all in.
And then there is the future, that great BIG unknown. While at our small group the other night, a precious friend was sharing fears she had. I get those, fears. And in hearing her talk of hers I remember who the author of fear is and it MAKES ME ANGRY. Because he is robbing peace from her, from me.
The last currently prescribed chemo is a week from tomorrow, 12/13. My family and I are happy to say that and pray that we will be able to hold to that FOREVER. But if not, His Grace will be sufficient. It'll need to be. Physically, I'm holding up pretty well. Feeling a little less than, but overall can do much of what I want/need to most of the time sans chemo week. I'm grateful for the health I do have, which is a lot.
Scans will be scheduled after we get next week completed. Then to meet with surgeon in January.
We thank you for praying over it all, so many of you have been so faithful since we began this journey last summer. We never take for granted your faithfulness, we appreciate every prayer uttered on our behalf. And we're managing thanks to each of them and God's sustenance. Love to you all, will update when there's something to share. MUCH love to you all.
I am enjoying the tremendous, miraculous blessing of having my sister back in our lives
again for the first time in many, many years. It's been such a gift from Father. We laugh, talk thru things, support each other, pray for and encourage one another. For almost a month now. It's been amazing. Last night, much of our family were able to gather to celebrate a 70th bday party. It was so great to all be under one roof again, laughing, eating and being together. Did my heart so very good. All of ours, really. While we missed those who couldn't be with us, we truly enjoyed our time together. This pic is of my sister and 2 of her kids, me and our 3. Then on the other hand I have friends in crisis, marriages struggling, a child dies in a terrible accident, mental illnesses wreaking havoc, custody issues, more diseases and medical issues. Such hard, hard stuff people I care about are walking through, and we walk alongside them as much as we can.
Life is just flying by and it's hard to take it all in.
And then there is the future, that great BIG unknown. While at our small group the other night, a precious friend was sharing fears she had. I get those, fears. And in hearing her talk of hers I remember who the author of fear is and it MAKES ME ANGRY. Because he is robbing peace from her, from me.
2 Timothy 1:7 English Standard Version (ESV)7 for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
My friend and I exchanged a couple emails later and here's where we landed. Whenever I get consumed in my fearful thinking about the upcoming future, I'll STOP and pray for her struggle with her fears. And when she does the same, she'll pray for me and my fears. Today that is really helping me. I pray it continues to do so. I believe it will.The last currently prescribed chemo is a week from tomorrow, 12/13. My family and I are happy to say that and pray that we will be able to hold to that FOREVER. But if not, His Grace will be sufficient. It'll need to be. Physically, I'm holding up pretty well. Feeling a little less than, but overall can do much of what I want/need to most of the time sans chemo week. I'm grateful for the health I do have, which is a lot.
Scans will be scheduled after we get next week completed. Then to meet with surgeon in January.
We thank you for praying over it all, so many of you have been so faithful since we began this journey last summer. We never take for granted your faithfulness, we appreciate every prayer uttered on our behalf. And we're managing thanks to each of them and God's sustenance. Love to you all, will update when there's something to share. MUCH love to you all.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Plugging along
Hiya precious friends and family. As we approach the holiday of gratitude, can I just say again how grateful Tom, the kids and I for you? We are muddling thru this season, with grace due in LARGE part to your love, prayers, care and hugs of all of you. So grateful.
God gave our family a beautiful, silly gift last week in a fun family memory at our 3rd Chick-fil-a First 100 Grand Opening event. Were the weather not so amazingly, unseasonably warm, I wouldn't have even attempted it, my family, however, was all in. It was an amazing night, I don't think it got much below 45 degrees, we were cozy warm, and we got to do something our family enjoys together. It was nice to take a break from life, cancer, work, chores, working hard on school, etc. Just plain old sillyness. Field day style games, my son authored and performed a CFA rap, walking laps in the drive thru, hanging with 2 other great homeschool families and some new friends were made too. It was across the street from a building I worked in during the early 1990's, so that was wild, my how many ways life has changed since that season. Wow. Thank you Lord!
VERY excited to get chemo treatment #5 over with this upcoming Tues and then the last one on Tues. 12/13. This comes with a prayer request, which is that the scans they will do just after the final chemo would show NED (no evidence of disease). We want to see NOTHING remaining of the cancer in my lymph nodes, breast or in the lung nodules. I'm asking for this very specific prayer b/c the word tells us to pray specifically. I'm really asking for ALL cancer cells anywhere in my body to be totally eradicated FOREVER, because I want to be very thorough in my prayers and I'm asking for a great, BIG, GIANT miracle here. And if this doesn't happen, that He'll help me and my family and really all of us to accept His plan no matter. Please join us in this specific prayer.
I've purchased a few books that have really ministered to me during this season, I think I've talked about them here before, The Hardest Peace by Kara Tippetts, and Praying Thru Cancer a devotional book with multiple contributers. My prayer would be that at these last 2 chemos the Lord would show me whom to share these books with that would really benefit from them.
I will try another IV fluids infusion after chemo as the last one did seem to make a difference. I get to do that the day before Turkey Day, so prayerfully I'll be in a somewhat good way to celebrate with family. Unfortunately, the essential oils didn't do as much for me, one of them really repulsed me. I'll try the other one, peppermint again. Acupuncture continues to keep me off one med, so that's a victory. Less meds make me a happy lady.
Been able to keep my exercise up, walking many days, elliptical machine others, took a bike ride to a coffee shop to meet up with the girls the other day, so awesome. Even got to help a friend move, many of you know my love of exercise with a purpose, my fave. Thankful I still am really quite "healthy" despite this little hobby I have.
At my coffee fellowship the other day we all shared something for which we were grateful. I'm prone to tears at the drop of a hat, more so since cancer, so I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it together, but I kept it brief. I simply wept, "all of it". And I am. So grateful for each minute I have, even the hard ones, because if I just hang in there, the easy, happy ones are typically around the corner.
Happy Thanksgiving! Be blessed because you are! xoxox
Psalm 107:1,8-9
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. (NIV)
VERY excited to get chemo treatment #5 over with this upcoming Tues and then the last one on Tues. 12/13. This comes with a prayer request, which is that the scans they will do just after the final chemo would show NED (no evidence of disease). We want to see NOTHING remaining of the cancer in my lymph nodes, breast or in the lung nodules. I'm asking for this very specific prayer b/c the word tells us to pray specifically. I'm really asking for ALL cancer cells anywhere in my body to be totally eradicated FOREVER, because I want to be very thorough in my prayers and I'm asking for a great, BIG, GIANT miracle here. And if this doesn't happen, that He'll help me and my family and really all of us to accept His plan no matter. Please join us in this specific prayer.
I've purchased a few books that have really ministered to me during this season, I think I've talked about them here before, The Hardest Peace by Kara Tippetts, and Praying Thru Cancer a devotional book with multiple contributers. My prayer would be that at these last 2 chemos the Lord would show me whom to share these books with that would really benefit from them.
I will try another IV fluids infusion after chemo as the last one did seem to make a difference. I get to do that the day before Turkey Day, so prayerfully I'll be in a somewhat good way to celebrate with family. Unfortunately, the essential oils didn't do as much for me, one of them really repulsed me. I'll try the other one, peppermint again. Acupuncture continues to keep me off one med, so that's a victory. Less meds make me a happy lady.
Been able to keep my exercise up, walking many days, elliptical machine others, took a bike ride to a coffee shop to meet up with the girls the other day, so awesome. Even got to help a friend move, many of you know my love of exercise with a purpose, my fave. Thankful I still am really quite "healthy" despite this little hobby I have.
At my coffee fellowship the other day we all shared something for which we were grateful. I'm prone to tears at the drop of a hat, more so since cancer, so I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it together, but I kept it brief. I simply wept, "all of it". And I am. So grateful for each minute I have, even the hard ones, because if I just hang in there, the easy, happy ones are typically around the corner.
Happy Thanksgiving! Be blessed because you are! xoxox
Psalm 107:1,8-9
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. (NIV)
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
MaryAnn, IV fluids and essential oils
I don't have a schedule for posting a blog. I just wait until I think there might be something to update, share or say. I know some of you are curious, so I like to keep friends and family informed.
Today was chemo #4 of 6 currently prescribed. I meet with the oncologist each time prior to being released for the chemo. He reviews any lab results, test results, checks out the girls (I call it man-handling and woman-handling since he typically has a med student, a female, at his side), and tells me how happy he is with how treatment is going. This has been the repeated pattern the last 3 times. It's an encouragement, the him being happy part, not the other parts so much.
Sitting in the chemo room for 4-5 hours can be hard. There are many different kinds of folks I see, young, old, small, large, healthy looking, very unhealthy looking. Cancer is no respecter of persons. (like my Jesus is too, He LOVES every single one of us). Cancer does NOT. There are all kinds of prescriptions for chemo, some daily, some every 3 weeks like me, and other variations, I'm sure. MaryAnn and I have met before. And elderly gal dealing with her own different flavor of cancer, from what I can tell she takes a little chemo each day. They haven't given her a great prognosis. She lives in the familiar-to-me fear of the number of her days. She was going home today to wrap some final Christmas gifts as she hopes to go home to Ohio to "say goodbye". And my heart grieves for her, for the hugs, glances and heartfelt words I'm sure she'll experience. But who knows, maybe they won't have her prognosis quite right, because we do have to remember, they, those dr's we appreciate so much, at the end of the day don't get to truly, fully know the number of our days. Only God. And so I'll pray for MaryAnn, thx to a reminder alarm on my phone our pastor asked us to do during this weeks sermon. In the meantime, she offered to leave my mom a pumpkin bread recipe that sounded good to her. So sweet.
And for Jan, I'd seen her at chemo the last 2 times, but not today, she's quite frail. Asked about her today, but of course, they couldn't tell me anything. I pray I see her next time, perhaps doing better than last time.
Thurs of this week, I'll go in to get an IV infusion of saline, which I'm told can really help me feel better. Up until now I told myself it was for those feeling worse than me, then I decided they made it sound so good that maybe it IS for me. Worth a try. We shall see.
And along the lines of trying different things to feel better, trying some essential oil blends to see if it makes an impact. Sniffing some peppermint oil now. And back to acupuncture tomorrow, that did help some last time with some effects.
So, that's the full update. Our family is handling things okay, kids are well loved, hubs seems good, so we press on. While I wasn't thoroughly excited at being at the halfway point last time, I was more encouraged to know there are only 2 more, thank you God! Thank you again for the many different ways you all are loving on us, we really can't thank you all enough. It is good to be so well loved.
12
Therefore, as God’s chosen
people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion,
kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13
Bear with each other and forgive
one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as
the Lord forgave you.14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Care Calendar a few new needs,
carecalendar.org
Today was chemo #4 of 6 currently prescribed. I meet with the oncologist each time prior to being released for the chemo. He reviews any lab results, test results, checks out the girls (I call it man-handling and woman-handling since he typically has a med student, a female, at his side), and tells me how happy he is with how treatment is going. This has been the repeated pattern the last 3 times. It's an encouragement, the him being happy part, not the other parts so much.
Sitting in the chemo room for 4-5 hours can be hard. There are many different kinds of folks I see, young, old, small, large, healthy looking, very unhealthy looking. Cancer is no respecter of persons. (like my Jesus is too, He LOVES every single one of us). Cancer does NOT. There are all kinds of prescriptions for chemo, some daily, some every 3 weeks like me, and other variations, I'm sure. MaryAnn and I have met before. And elderly gal dealing with her own different flavor of cancer, from what I can tell she takes a little chemo each day. They haven't given her a great prognosis. She lives in the familiar-to-me fear of the number of her days. She was going home today to wrap some final Christmas gifts as she hopes to go home to Ohio to "say goodbye". And my heart grieves for her, for the hugs, glances and heartfelt words I'm sure she'll experience. But who knows, maybe they won't have her prognosis quite right, because we do have to remember, they, those dr's we appreciate so much, at the end of the day don't get to truly, fully know the number of our days. Only God. And so I'll pray for MaryAnn, thx to a reminder alarm on my phone our pastor asked us to do during this weeks sermon. In the meantime, she offered to leave my mom a pumpkin bread recipe that sounded good to her. So sweet.
And for Jan, I'd seen her at chemo the last 2 times, but not today, she's quite frail. Asked about her today, but of course, they couldn't tell me anything. I pray I see her next time, perhaps doing better than last time.
Thurs of this week, I'll go in to get an IV infusion of saline, which I'm told can really help me feel better. Up until now I told myself it was for those feeling worse than me, then I decided they made it sound so good that maybe it IS for me. Worth a try. We shall see.
And along the lines of trying different things to feel better, trying some essential oil blends to see if it makes an impact. Sniffing some peppermint oil now. And back to acupuncture tomorrow, that did help some last time with some effects.
So, that's the full update. Our family is handling things okay, kids are well loved, hubs seems good, so we press on. While I wasn't thoroughly excited at being at the halfway point last time, I was more encouraged to know there are only 2 more, thank you God! Thank you again for the many different ways you all are loving on us, we really can't thank you all enough. It is good to be so well loved.
Colossians 3:12-14 NIV
Care Calendar a few new needs,
carecalendar.org
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Tuesday, October 25, 2016
He keeps stirring me up
This blogging season for me, began as a way to keep lotsa precious people to me scattered all over, informed of what was happening, mostly so I wouldn't have to spend so much time talking about this new little hobby I have. It's morped into a journal of sorts. A friend asked me in conversation with another friend near me if I was journaling about this, my 1st thought was no, and my other friend added in, "yes, she's blogging." Like so many things in life, what I set out to do for others is more a blessing for me. God's economy.
Another friend asked me on a walk today (yes, still enjoying those, love having you join me if you can) if I had a cancer update. I had nothing, no news, no developments, it's really a nice place to be. I'm in my chemo honeymoon, those glorious 2 weeks I get between treaments that follow the week I'd really rather skip, so nothing's happening. But then it occurs to me that she's not just asking about physically what's happening.
News broke this week that Scott Hamilton, olympic figure skater and all around light hearted good guy has his 3rd diagnosis of cancer. He's had some breaks between them. That's kinda heavy for me. And then I remember that everyone gets a different life, and his path might not be my path. Or it might. But all I can handle-today-is what I do know, what is actually on my plate today. It's all I'm asked to carry. So I tell the enemy of my soul to shut his pie hole, because he can't have my joy, my gratitude for what health I do have or my what-ifs. Only God can. So I lay them at HIS ever-capable feet. I'll probably pick them back up again before the hour is through, but then I'll take them back in this ever familiar dance. Lord, help me keep bringing them back to YOU.
Another lesson I keep needing to learn is that someone, somewhere always has a tough road to walk, it's not unique to me. Some have it easier (as if one can measure such a thing), others worse, but we ALL have junk we have to walk through. So I try to keep that in mind so as to not have too big a pity party. And I commit to praying for those, taking my eyes off my stuff and lifting others is a good way for me to stay encouraged. It's what He put me on this planet to do, to love others in prayer and deed. It's what He's put all of us on this planet to do. To be His hands and feet, to love others as we, ourselves want to be loved. Do it through me Lord I pray.
So, a week from today, Tues 11/1/16 is Chemo #4 of 6 total prescribed today. Until then, it's living life to it's fullest. Thank you for keeping me and my family lifted in prayer, we're grateful for you and your love for us. Pray my dread will be as small as possible as I look to Him. Pray His grace will get me through the rough days that follow the chemo, that I'll lean HARD into Him.
Because music is a great way to get through every day, I wanted to share one of my fave songs that really speaks to what's been on my heart today, hope it speaks to yours as well,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXI0B4iMLuU
MUCH love and praying for YOU too, ro
Another friend asked me on a walk today (yes, still enjoying those, love having you join me if you can) if I had a cancer update. I had nothing, no news, no developments, it's really a nice place to be. I'm in my chemo honeymoon, those glorious 2 weeks I get between treaments that follow the week I'd really rather skip, so nothing's happening. But then it occurs to me that she's not just asking about physically what's happening.
News broke this week that Scott Hamilton, olympic figure skater and all around light hearted good guy has his 3rd diagnosis of cancer. He's had some breaks between them. That's kinda heavy for me. And then I remember that everyone gets a different life, and his path might not be my path. Or it might. But all I can handle-today-is what I do know, what is actually on my plate today. It's all I'm asked to carry. So I tell the enemy of my soul to shut his pie hole, because he can't have my joy, my gratitude for what health I do have or my what-ifs. Only God can. So I lay them at HIS ever-capable feet. I'll probably pick them back up again before the hour is through, but then I'll take them back in this ever familiar dance. Lord, help me keep bringing them back to YOU.
Another lesson I keep needing to learn is that someone, somewhere always has a tough road to walk, it's not unique to me. Some have it easier (as if one can measure such a thing), others worse, but we ALL have junk we have to walk through. So I try to keep that in mind so as to not have too big a pity party. And I commit to praying for those, taking my eyes off my stuff and lifting others is a good way for me to stay encouraged. It's what He put me on this planet to do, to love others in prayer and deed. It's what He's put all of us on this planet to do. To be His hands and feet, to love others as we, ourselves want to be loved. Do it through me Lord I pray.
So, a week from today, Tues 11/1/16 is Chemo #4 of 6 total prescribed today. Until then, it's living life to it's fullest. Thank you for keeping me and my family lifted in prayer, we're grateful for you and your love for us. Pray my dread will be as small as possible as I look to Him. Pray His grace will get me through the rough days that follow the chemo, that I'll lean HARD into Him.
Because music is a great way to get through every day, I wanted to share one of my fave songs that really speaks to what's been on my heart today, hope it speaks to yours as well,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXI0B4iMLuU
MUCH love and praying for YOU too, ro
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Much of the battle is in the mind
"Let us learn to think of tears as liquid prayers, and
of weeping as a constant dropping of importunate intercession which will
wear its way right surely into the very heart of mercy, despite the
stony difficulties which obstruct the way." Charles Haddon Spurgeon
This week, a friend gave me a card with this quote and a box of Kleenex. A poignant gift for someone as leaky as myself. I'm finding in the days prior to chemo or scans or procedures bring the tears at moments I don't see coming. Don't super love that. But it reminds me how very weak I am, and how very strong the Father that keeps me going each day is.
I'm trying to embrace the chemo like I did with the first one I couldn't wait to get started. I felt it was taking them too long to start my treatment, I wanted to get busy killing the cancer. Trying to remember that over the dread I've been thinking. So hard to feel both. I really like feeling mostly like my old self for 2 weeks. Not thinking much about this uninvited guest in my body trying to invade my healthy cells. Doing life is a great distraction from this little hobby I have called cancer. Spending a day at the chemo infusion room and the week after managing the side effects, well, most of you know how much that's not fun.
But alas, this is the reality, so I get to choose how to handle it. With the strength of the Lord, may I step into it with purpose and His joy that I have much to thank Him for and do my best to be on top of the side effects. We're trying some acupuncture this week and a new nausea medication. Hoping to get on top of the thrush from the get go this time.
The kids are handling this pretty well. Reaching out to the people around them. Writing about it in their schoolwork. Helping out a bit more. I love my family, battling for more time with them is such a great motivator.
Started this post a couple days ago, sitting in the chemo chair right now. Dr. says for the 2nd visit in a row that he can't find the tumor, this is such an encouragement. And no new activity that he can find either. Scans later will tell more, but for now, I'm thrilled to have these back to back good reports, seems chemo is doing it's job, will pray it is at the microscopic cellular level too. Because He encourages us to pray specifically. Thank you for your prayers, they are sustaining our family well, keeping me looking heavenward well, loving us WELL.
This week, a friend gave me a card with this quote and a box of Kleenex. A poignant gift for someone as leaky as myself. I'm finding in the days prior to chemo or scans or procedures bring the tears at moments I don't see coming. Don't super love that. But it reminds me how very weak I am, and how very strong the Father that keeps me going each day is.
I'm trying to embrace the chemo like I did with the first one I couldn't wait to get started. I felt it was taking them too long to start my treatment, I wanted to get busy killing the cancer. Trying to remember that over the dread I've been thinking. So hard to feel both. I really like feeling mostly like my old self for 2 weeks. Not thinking much about this uninvited guest in my body trying to invade my healthy cells. Doing life is a great distraction from this little hobby I have called cancer. Spending a day at the chemo infusion room and the week after managing the side effects, well, most of you know how much that's not fun.
But alas, this is the reality, so I get to choose how to handle it. With the strength of the Lord, may I step into it with purpose and His joy that I have much to thank Him for and do my best to be on top of the side effects. We're trying some acupuncture this week and a new nausea medication. Hoping to get on top of the thrush from the get go this time.
The kids are handling this pretty well. Reaching out to the people around them. Writing about it in their schoolwork. Helping out a bit more. I love my family, battling for more time with them is such a great motivator.
Started this post a couple days ago, sitting in the chemo chair right now. Dr. says for the 2nd visit in a row that he can't find the tumor, this is such an encouragement. And no new activity that he can find either. Scans later will tell more, but for now, I'm thrilled to have these back to back good reports, seems chemo is doing it's job, will pray it is at the microscopic cellular level too. Because He encourages us to pray specifically. Thank you for your prayers, they are sustaining our family well, keeping me looking heavenward well, loving us WELL.
I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
Psalm 16:8Thursday, September 29, 2016
No news is most likely good news
These last 2 months have been insanely crazy. The learning curve like none other I've experienced, and I'm not done yet. Sadly. Some time this week has been spent lamenting, "I just wish...." I won't fill in those blank dots as you know the many predicates that would finish that thought.
And so I keep digging in, leaning into the Father, asking Him to do this through me. He sends so many of you to keep pointing me His direction, in case I lost my way, and there are moments I do, so grateful for you all. Those random texts, brief messages, emails, cards, dinners, anonymous things you do, and each prayer uttered, they humble, strengthen and encourage each of my family in ways that often bring me to grateful tears. THANK YOU! It doesn't seem enough to say, but it's so very heartfelt. Our family feels so loved and cared for in this season and I can't IMAGINE having to do this battle without any of it.
Last night Tom and I enjoyed our monthly date, thx to our babysitting swap. We walked along the Clear Creek, grabbed a bite, it was so nice to do something so normal together, beauty all around. A family was having their portraits done there and then I thought, THIS is the next location for our next family portrait, when my hair is back. And I pray that will happen next year. He has really been so much a rock during this trial. I am one blessed lady.
Today, I was asked by a friend on a walk what my "update" is. Truth be told, there isn't much of one, but I thought I'd let you all know that so you wouldn't be concerned. After having two chemos my pattern (which I'm told I shouldn't get attached to as it's up for change) seems to be this, the week after is not so great with nausea, thrush, a high fever last time, belly issues I'll spare you from the specifics of, and a couple headaches. Otherwise, not much else, so far been spared some pretty yucky other things. About a week after chemo, these side effects seem to subside giving me 2 good weeks of feeling a whole lot like my regular, old, self. Some of it never leaves, like the metal taste and the head cold like congestion in my chest and head, but I can manage those things.
So, I'll enjoy my next almost 2 weeks left of freedom before I go back into battle to kill cancer cells again. I'll be trying a different nausea med to try to make that a bit better, maybe some acupuncture as well so perhaps next time won't be quite so rough. But for now life is pretty normal. We're able to keep up with school, by and large, keep the house relatively running, and even a few of our normal life activities. Yippee!
I've been enjoying walking with some of you on my daily "walk the mom". Please keep letting me know if you are free for that. Before 9 a.m., or lunch, or in the evening are the best times.
You also have been so awesome to say, can we talk about your junk for 10 minutes and be done with it? Then I get to hear about your lives/families and how I can lift you in prayer and it makes my heart happy and I feel so normal in those moments, so thank you all for being so great about honoring my heart on that. I LOVE doing life alongside you all.
I suppose that's it for now. Enjoy your beautiful fall days, your families, your health no matter the degree of it, and your life, as we have been also. Because that's what we're doing and we think it's a great plan.
And so I keep digging in, leaning into the Father, asking Him to do this through me. He sends so many of you to keep pointing me His direction, in case I lost my way, and there are moments I do, so grateful for you all. Those random texts, brief messages, emails, cards, dinners, anonymous things you do, and each prayer uttered, they humble, strengthen and encourage each of my family in ways that often bring me to grateful tears. THANK YOU! It doesn't seem enough to say, but it's so very heartfelt. Our family feels so loved and cared for in this season and I can't IMAGINE having to do this battle without any of it.
Last night Tom and I enjoyed our monthly date, thx to our babysitting swap. We walked along the Clear Creek, grabbed a bite, it was so nice to do something so normal together, beauty all around. A family was having their portraits done there and then I thought, THIS is the next location for our next family portrait, when my hair is back. And I pray that will happen next year. He has really been so much a rock during this trial. I am one blessed lady.
Today, I was asked by a friend on a walk what my "update" is. Truth be told, there isn't much of one, but I thought I'd let you all know that so you wouldn't be concerned. After having two chemos my pattern (which I'm told I shouldn't get attached to as it's up for change) seems to be this, the week after is not so great with nausea, thrush, a high fever last time, belly issues I'll spare you from the specifics of, and a couple headaches. Otherwise, not much else, so far been spared some pretty yucky other things. About a week after chemo, these side effects seem to subside giving me 2 good weeks of feeling a whole lot like my regular, old, self. Some of it never leaves, like the metal taste and the head cold like congestion in my chest and head, but I can manage those things.
So, I'll enjoy my next almost 2 weeks left of freedom before I go back into battle to kill cancer cells again. I'll be trying a different nausea med to try to make that a bit better, maybe some acupuncture as well so perhaps next time won't be quite so rough. But for now life is pretty normal. We're able to keep up with school, by and large, keep the house relatively running, and even a few of our normal life activities. Yippee!
I've been enjoying walking with some of you on my daily "walk the mom". Please keep letting me know if you are free for that. Before 9 a.m., or lunch, or in the evening are the best times.
You also have been so awesome to say, can we talk about your junk for 10 minutes and be done with it? Then I get to hear about your lives/families and how I can lift you in prayer and it makes my heart happy and I feel so normal in those moments, so thank you all for being so great about honoring my heart on that. I LOVE doing life alongside you all.
I suppose that's it for now. Enjoy your beautiful fall days, your families, your health no matter the degree of it, and your life, as we have been also. Because that's what we're doing and we think it's a great plan.
Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you
will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the
LORD's purpose will prevail.
Proverbs 19:20-21
Friday, September 23, 2016
He hasn't left my side, #thankful
“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.” —Psalm 139:11-12
It felt kinda dark last night, as I was settling into bed. I didn't feel well, chemo a couple days before was beginning to take it's toll. Nausea, lethargy, fatigue, horrible taste in mouth, hopelessness. My sweet hubs was by my side hearing my sobs and praying comfort over me. So grateful for this scripture, these realities in the midst of the yuck. And then sweet rest, a beautiful gift from the Father that provides a re-set, new mercies for the morning. Thankful. Today is feeling a bit better than the one before, which doesn't necessarily mean I'm out of the side effect woods yet, I've learned, but I will savor this moment. Because I can choose to.
So we are 1/3 thru the chemos we know we have to do so far. I say that because this cancer treatment plan is always up for revision based on what the data tells the oncologist. So, I try to hold it loosely, it will help me handle it better if it changes. I think. Gotta really hold it all that way, otherwise I get cranky. Like how I got cranky when dear old "aunt flo" came for her monthly visit on chemo day, no less, even though I'd been told a "perk" to chemo was no more visits. They didn't mention that it didn't kick in right away, sometime in the future they now say. #feltduped
On a good note, I did get my exercise privileges re-instated. I'm no gym rat, but I do enjoy my exercise, it's taken me years to get to that place. And the thought of having that removed from me scared me, would I become that couch potato who NEVER exercised again and gain the 50 or so pounds I've been able to keep off?!?! The very next day, my Aunt Lorraine and I, who visited this week from PA, hopped on bikes and hit the trail. It was a glorious fall ride. The day after that I didn't feel like much movement at all, but I'll get back to more exercise within the next few days I hope/dream/plan. I do still have to get in a daily 30 min walk, prescribed by dr. I call it "walk the mom" cuz I feel like I'm walking the dog, which I don't have, so we are walking the mom. If you ever want in on this fun, let me know, happy to switch up my walking partners from time to time. So far, it's been hubs, my kids and Brynn mostly. My mom and Aunt L this week.
So we keep plugging away, kids seem to be handling all of this as well as they can. Our visit from Aunt Lorraine and extra time with my mom was good for all of us. So much laughter, fun times shared with colored pencils, games, movies, yummy treats and walks in beautiful Arvada.
My friend MiChelle encouraged me early on to be mindful of not just trying to get through this cancer, but to stop along the way to see the many ways He seeks to bless us. Each day I see, often many times each day, His fingerprints in this trial. I also see those around me worse off than I, a single lady at chemo with no support, but a fantastic attitude. Children on my fb feeds with debilitating issues they will live with the rest of their days, but smiling bigger than TX. It encourages me to dig in and ask for His strength to do what I've got before me-today and today only. Because that's all the battling I can do this day, todays allotment.
Very much appreciate your expressions of prayers, love and support, our family is so covered by you all and we are truly humbled and grateful. Thank you for taking the time, energy and resources to step into our muck and love us. (((( hugs )))))) for each of you!
for those asking for this info, here it is again
CareCalendar.org
Calendar ID: 240697
Security code: 1794
We have most our needs filled thru the end of this year. Super thankful. We will add more dates beginning in January, so stay tuned for that.
Sunday, September 11, 2016
So today is the day. The day I have dreaded almost since I was diagnosed. The day I choose to remove what remains of my hair. I started falling out in droves today. I think I somehow thought I would get to be the one person who walks this road that gets to keep my mane as it hasn't come out as quickly as some thought it would. Somehow this dread would escape me, I hoped, prayed and dreamed. But today's shower drain said otherwise. And so I will choose to take the rest so I'm not a victim. Or so I think this is how I'll feel...
Once I became a believer over 20 years ago, I began to learn that we shouldn't focus so much on our outward appearance, because the Lord sees the heart. We even saw this in our bible study lesson this week,
1 Samuel 16:7 New International Version But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
And so I've walked that tightrope over the years of enjoying feeling pretty, feminine, but not wanting to focus too much time/energy/resources on taking care of myself. This season really humbles. I don't like it. I wish I didn't care so much about loosing what I have felt over the years was my best feature. I wish it didn't matter so much to me. But it does. I parted with the length over a month ago. That was hard, I told myself it was a transition. I think it has been.
Tomorrow, however, I get a BIG blessing compliments of the American Cancer Society, a Look Good, Feel Better workshop, think of it like a makeover tutorial for cancer patients. They'll help me with all things superficial for ladies like me, how to do hair and makeup differently now. I'm grateful. I always thought a makeover could be fun, never did I dream this would be the way I'd do one. But, I'm grateful. A blessing.
Today I was reading my cancer devotional, gifted me by a dear friend who has walked this road before me.
I read 3 entries, the 3rd about loosing one's hair. And so I keep on leaning in, because I find each time I do, He meets me. Another blessing.
Today is 9/11, which honestly provides me lots of perspective. Yes, today I'll loose my hair, but I still have my life, something so many others wish their almost 3,000 loved ones still had. So, I'll grieve, cry a little and thank God for the gift I do have in my life. Though it'll take some time, my hair will likely return. For now I think I'll just sit in my heavenly daddy's lap and allow him to bring me His peace, love and comfort. The best blessing of all.
“He sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.” —Job 5:11
Once I became a believer over 20 years ago, I began to learn that we shouldn't focus so much on our outward appearance, because the Lord sees the heart. We even saw this in our bible study lesson this week,
1 Samuel 16:7 New International Version But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."
And so I've walked that tightrope over the years of enjoying feeling pretty, feminine, but not wanting to focus too much time/energy/resources on taking care of myself. This season really humbles. I don't like it. I wish I didn't care so much about loosing what I have felt over the years was my best feature. I wish it didn't matter so much to me. But it does. I parted with the length over a month ago. That was hard, I told myself it was a transition. I think it has been.
Tomorrow, however, I get a BIG blessing compliments of the American Cancer Society, a Look Good, Feel Better workshop, think of it like a makeover tutorial for cancer patients. They'll help me with all things superficial for ladies like me, how to do hair and makeup differently now. I'm grateful. I always thought a makeover could be fun, never did I dream this would be the way I'd do one. But, I'm grateful. A blessing.
Today I was reading my cancer devotional, gifted me by a dear friend who has walked this road before me.
I read 3 entries, the 3rd about loosing one's hair. And so I keep on leaning in, because I find each time I do, He meets me. Another blessing.Today is 9/11, which honestly provides me lots of perspective. Yes, today I'll loose my hair, but I still have my life, something so many others wish their almost 3,000 loved ones still had. So, I'll grieve, cry a little and thank God for the gift I do have in my life. Though it'll take some time, my hair will likely return. For now I think I'll just sit in my heavenly daddy's lap and allow him to bring me His peace, love and comfort. The best blessing of all.
“He sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.” —Job 5:11
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