Tuesday, October 25, 2016

He keeps stirring me up

This blogging season for me, began as a way to keep lotsa precious people to me scattered all over, informed of what was happening, mostly so I wouldn't have to spend so much time talking about this new little hobby I have.  It's morped into a journal of sorts.  A friend asked me in conversation with another friend near me if I was journaling about this, my 1st thought was no, and my other friend added in, "yes, she's blogging."  Like so many things in life, what I set out to do for others is more a blessing for me.  God's economy. 

Another friend asked me on a walk today (yes, still enjoying those, love having you join me if you can) if I had a cancer update.  I had nothing, no news, no developments, it's really a nice place to be.  I'm in my chemo honeymoon, those glorious 2 weeks I get between treaments that follow the week I'd really rather skip, so nothing's happening.  But then it occurs to me that she's not just asking about physically what's happening.

News broke this week that Scott Hamilton, olympic figure skater and all around light hearted good guy has his 3rd diagnosis of cancer.  He's had some breaks between them.  That's kinda heavy for me.  And then I remember that everyone gets a different life, and his path might not be my path.  Or it might.  But all I can handle-today-is what I do know, what is actually on my plate today.  It's all I'm asked to carry.  So I tell the enemy of my soul to shut his pie hole, because he can't have my joy, my gratitude for what health I do have or my what-ifs.    Only God can.  So I lay them at HIS ever-capable feet.  I'll probably pick them back up again before the hour is through, but then I'll take them back in this ever familiar dance.  Lord, help me keep bringing them back to YOU. 

Another lesson I keep needing to learn is that someone, somewhere always has a tough road to walk, it's not unique to me.  Some have it easier (as if one can measure such a thing), others worse, but we ALL have junk we have to walk through.  So I try to keep that in mind so as to not have too big a pity party.  And I commit to praying for those, taking my eyes off my stuff and lifting others is a good way for me to stay encouraged.  It's what He put me on this planet to do, to love others in prayer and deed.  It's what He's put all of us on this planet to do.  To be His hands and feet, to love others as we, ourselves want to be loved.  Do it through me Lord I pray.

So, a week from today, Tues 11/1/16 is Chemo #4 of 6 total prescribed today.  Until then, it's living life to it's fullest.  Thank you for keeping me and my family lifted in prayer, we're grateful for you and your love for us.  Pray my dread will be as small as possible as I look to Him.  Pray His grace will get me through the rough days that follow the chemo, that I'll lean HARD into Him. 

Because music is a great way to get through every day, I wanted to share one of my fave songs that really speaks to what's been on my heart today, hope it speaks to yours as well,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXI0B4iMLuU

MUCH love and praying for YOU too, ro

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Much of the battle is in the mind

"Let us learn to think of tears as liquid prayers, and of weeping as a constant dropping of importunate intercession which will wear its way right surely into the very heart of mercy, despite the stony difficulties which obstruct the way." Charles Haddon Spurgeon

This week, a friend gave me a card with this quote and a box of Kleenex.  A poignant gift for someone as leaky as myself.  I'm finding in the days prior to chemo or scans or procedures bring the tears at moments I don't see coming.  Don't super love that.  But it reminds me how very weak I am, and how very strong the Father that keeps me going each day is. 

I'm trying to embrace the chemo like I did with the first one I couldn't wait to get started.  I felt it was taking them too long to start my treatment, I wanted to get busy killing the cancer.  Trying to remember that over the dread I've been thinking.  So hard to feel both.  I really like feeling mostly like my old self for 2 weeks.  Not thinking much about this uninvited guest in my body trying to invade my healthy cells.  Doing life is a great distraction from this little hobby I have called cancer.  Spending a day at the chemo infusion room and the week after managing the side effects, well, most of you know how much that's not fun.

But alas, this is the reality, so I get to choose how to handle it.  With the strength of the Lord, may I step into it with purpose and His joy that I have much to thank Him for and do my best to be on top of the side effects.  We're trying some acupuncture this week and a new nausea medication.  Hoping to get on top of the thrush from the get go this time.

The kids are handling this pretty well.  Reaching out to the people around them.  Writing about it in their schoolwork.  Helping out a bit more.  I love my family, battling for more time with them is such a great motivator. 

Started this post a couple days ago, sitting in the chemo chair right now.  Dr. says for the 2nd visit in a row that he can't find the tumor, this is such an encouragement.  And no new activity that he can find either.  Scans later will tell more, but for now, I'm thrilled to have these back to back good reports, seems chemo is doing it's job, will pray it is at the microscopic cellular level too.  Because He encourages us to pray specifically.  Thank you for your prayers, they are sustaining our family well, keeping me looking heavenward well, loving us WELL.

I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
Psalm 16:8