Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Much of the battle is in the mind

"Let us learn to think of tears as liquid prayers, and of weeping as a constant dropping of importunate intercession which will wear its way right surely into the very heart of mercy, despite the stony difficulties which obstruct the way." Charles Haddon Spurgeon

This week, a friend gave me a card with this quote and a box of Kleenex.  A poignant gift for someone as leaky as myself.  I'm finding in the days prior to chemo or scans or procedures bring the tears at moments I don't see coming.  Don't super love that.  But it reminds me how very weak I am, and how very strong the Father that keeps me going each day is. 

I'm trying to embrace the chemo like I did with the first one I couldn't wait to get started.  I felt it was taking them too long to start my treatment, I wanted to get busy killing the cancer.  Trying to remember that over the dread I've been thinking.  So hard to feel both.  I really like feeling mostly like my old self for 2 weeks.  Not thinking much about this uninvited guest in my body trying to invade my healthy cells.  Doing life is a great distraction from this little hobby I have called cancer.  Spending a day at the chemo infusion room and the week after managing the side effects, well, most of you know how much that's not fun.

But alas, this is the reality, so I get to choose how to handle it.  With the strength of the Lord, may I step into it with purpose and His joy that I have much to thank Him for and do my best to be on top of the side effects.  We're trying some acupuncture this week and a new nausea medication.  Hoping to get on top of the thrush from the get go this time.

The kids are handling this pretty well.  Reaching out to the people around them.  Writing about it in their schoolwork.  Helping out a bit more.  I love my family, battling for more time with them is such a great motivator. 

Started this post a couple days ago, sitting in the chemo chair right now.  Dr. says for the 2nd visit in a row that he can't find the tumor, this is such an encouragement.  And no new activity that he can find either.  Scans later will tell more, but for now, I'm thrilled to have these back to back good reports, seems chemo is doing it's job, will pray it is at the microscopic cellular level too.  Because He encourages us to pray specifically.  Thank you for your prayers, they are sustaining our family well, keeping me looking heavenward well, loving us WELL.

I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
Psalm 16:8


  1. We are continually praying for the chemo drugs to do their job, for you and the fam to lean on the Lord, to see God at work everyday! Love to you all!

  2. Praying for an easy go of chemo this time. Praying for complete healing.

  3. Praying for an easy go of chemo this time. Praying for complete healing.

  4. I'm so glad the treatment seems to be working. I'm continuing to pray for you.

  5. Oh, that is sad and also good news. Luv ya Girl!

  6. thank you for these updates. you are so loved. so many are praying. and God is holding you and your precious family. i am praying today that every drop of tears will become answered prayers for you and other. i love you xoxo