“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.” —Psalm 139:11-12
It felt kinda dark last night, as I was settling into bed. I didn't feel well, chemo a couple days before was beginning to take it's toll. Nausea, lethargy, fatigue, horrible taste in mouth, hopelessness. My sweet hubs was by my side hearing my sobs and praying comfort over me. So grateful for this scripture, these realities in the midst of the yuck. And then sweet rest, a beautiful gift from the Father that provides a re-set, new mercies for the morning. Thankful. Today is feeling a bit better than the one before, which doesn't necessarily mean I'm out of the side effect woods yet, I've learned, but I will savor this moment. Because I can choose to.
So we are 1/3 thru the chemos we know we have to do so far. I say that because this cancer treatment plan is always up for revision based on what the data tells the oncologist. So, I try to hold it loosely, it will help me handle it better if it changes. I think. Gotta really hold it all that way, otherwise I get cranky. Like how I got cranky when dear old "aunt flo" came for her monthly visit on chemo day, no less, even though I'd been told a "perk" to chemo was no more visits. They didn't mention that it didn't kick in right away, sometime in the future they now say. #feltduped
On a good note, I did get my exercise privileges re-instated. I'm no gym rat, but I do enjoy my exercise, it's taken me years to get to that place. And the thought of having that removed from me scared me, would I become that couch potato who NEVER exercised again and gain the 50 or so pounds I've been able to keep off?!?! The very next day, my Aunt Lorraine and I, who visited this week from PA, hopped on bikes and hit the trail. It was a glorious fall ride. The day after that I didn't feel like much movement at all, but I'll get back to more exercise within the next few days I hope/dream/plan. I do still have to get in a daily 30 min walk, prescribed by dr. I call it "walk the mom" cuz I feel like I'm walking the dog, which I don't have, so we are walking the mom. If you ever want in on this fun, let me know, happy to switch up my walking partners from time to time. So far, it's been hubs, my kids and Brynn mostly. My mom and Aunt L this week.
So we keep plugging away, kids seem to be handling all of this as well as they can. Our visit from Aunt Lorraine and extra time with my mom was good for all of us. So much laughter, fun times shared with colored pencils, games, movies, yummy treats and walks in beautiful Arvada.
My friend MiChelle encouraged me early on to be mindful of not just trying to get through this cancer, but to stop along the way to see the many ways He seeks to bless us. Each day I see, often many times each day, His fingerprints in this trial. I also see those around me worse off than I, a single lady at chemo with no support, but a fantastic attitude. Children on my fb feeds with debilitating issues they will live with the rest of their days, but smiling bigger than TX. It encourages me to dig in and ask for His strength to do what I've got before me-today and today only. Because that's all the battling I can do this day, todays allotment.
Very much appreciate your expressions of prayers, love and support, our family is so covered by you all and we are truly humbled and grateful. Thank you for taking the time, energy and resources to step into our muck and love us. (((( hugs )))))) for each of you!
for those asking for this info, here it is again
Calendar ID: 240697
Security code: 1794
We have most our needs filled thru the end of this year. Super thankful. We will add more dates beginning in January, so stay tuned for that.