So today is the day. The day I have dreaded almost since I was diagnosed. The day I choose to remove what remains of my hair. I started falling out in droves today. I think I somehow thought I would get to be the one person who walks this road that gets to keep my mane as it hasn't come out as quickly as some thought it would. Somehow this dread would escape me, I hoped, prayed and dreamed. But today's shower drain said otherwise. And so I will choose to take the rest so I'm not a victim. Or so I think this is how I'll feel...
Once I became a believer over 20 years ago, I began to learn that we shouldn't focus so much on our outward appearance, because the Lord sees the heart. We even saw this in our bible study lesson this week,
1 Samuel 16:7 New International Version But
the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height,
for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people
look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at
And so I've walked that tightrope over the years of enjoying feeling pretty, feminine, but not wanting to focus too much time/energy/resources on taking care of myself. This season really humbles. I don't like it. I wish I didn't care so much about loosing what I have felt over the years was my best feature. I wish it didn't matter so much to me. But it does. I parted with the length over a month ago. That was hard, I told myself it was a transition. I think it has been.
Tomorrow, however, I get a BIG blessing compliments of the American Cancer Society, a Look Good, Feel Better workshop, think of it like a makeover tutorial for cancer patients. They'll help me with all things superficial for ladies like me, how to do hair and makeup differently now. I'm grateful. I always thought a makeover could be fun, never did I dream this would be the way I'd do one. But, I'm grateful. A blessing.
Today I was reading my cancer devotional, gifted me by a dear friend who has walked this road before me.
I read 3 entries, the 3rd about loosing one's hair. And so I keep on leaning in, because I find each time I do, He meets me. Another blessing.
Today is 9/11, which honestly provides me lots of perspective. Yes, today I'll loose my hair, but I still have my life, something so many others wish their almost 3,000 loved ones still had. So, I'll grieve, cry a little and thank God for the gift I do have in my life. Though it'll take some time, my hair will likely return. For now I think I'll just sit in my heavenly daddy's lap and allow him to bring me His peace, love and comfort. The best blessing of all.
sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to
safety.” —Job 5:11