No news is most likely good news

These last 2 months have been insanely crazy.  The learning curve like none other I've experienced, and I'm not done yet.  Sadly.  Some time this week has been spent lamenting, "I just wish...."  I won't fill in those blank dots as you know the many predicates that would finish that thought. 

And so I keep digging in, leaning into the Father, asking Him to do this through me.  He sends so many of you to keep pointing me His direction, in case I lost my way, and there are moments I do, so grateful for you all.  Those random texts, brief messages, emails, cards, dinners, anonymous things you do, and each prayer uttered, they humble, strengthen and encourage each of my family in ways that often bring me to grateful tears.  THANK YOU!  It doesn't seem enough to say, but it's so very heartfelt.  Our family feels so loved and cared for in this season and I can't IMAGINE having to do this battle without any of it.

Last night Tom and I enjoyed our monthly date, thx to our babysitting swap.  We walked along the Clear Creek, grabbed a bite, it was so nice to do something so normal together, beauty all around.  A family was having their portraits done there and then I thought, THIS is the next location for our next family portrait, when my hair is back.  And I pray that will happen next year.   He has really been so much a rock during this trial.  I am one blessed lady. 

Today, I was asked by a friend on a walk what my "update" is.  Truth be told, there isn't much of one, but I thought I'd let you all know that so you wouldn't be concerned.  After having two chemos my pattern (which I'm told I shouldn't get attached to as it's up for change) seems to be this, the week after is not so great with nausea, thrush, a high fever last time, belly issues I'll spare you from the specifics of, and a couple headaches.  Otherwise, not much else, so far been spared some pretty yucky other things.  About a week after chemo, these side effects seem to subside giving me 2 good weeks of feeling a whole lot like my regular, old, self.  Some of it never leaves, like the metal taste and the head cold like congestion in my chest and head, but I can manage those things.

So, I'll enjoy my next almost 2 weeks left of freedom before I go back into battle to kill cancer cells again.  I'll be trying a different nausea med to try to make that a bit better, maybe some acupuncture as well so perhaps next time won't be quite so rough.  But for now life is pretty normal.  We're able to keep up with school, by and large, keep the house relatively running, and even a few of our normal life activities.  Yippee! 

I've been enjoying walking with some of you on my daily "walk the mom".  Please keep letting me know if you are free for that.  Before 9 a.m., or lunch, or in the evening are the best times. 

You also have been so awesome to say, can we talk about your junk for 10 minutes and be done with it?  Then I get to hear about your lives/families and how I can lift you in prayer and it makes my heart happy and I feel so normal in those moments, so thank you all for being so great about honoring my heart on that.  I LOVE doing life alongside you all. 

I suppose that's it for now.  Enjoy your beautiful fall days, your families, your health no matter the degree of it, and your life, as we have been also.  Because that's what we're doing and we think it's a great plan. 

Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the LORD's purpose will prevail.

Proverbs 19:20-21

He hasn't left my side, #thankful

“If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”   —Psalm 139:11-12

It felt kinda dark last night, as I was settling into bed.  I didn't feel well, chemo a couple days before was beginning to take it's toll.  Nausea, lethargy, fatigue, horrible taste in mouth, hopelessness.  My sweet hubs was by my side hearing my sobs and praying comfort over me.  So grateful for this scripture, these realities in the midst of the yuck.  And then sweet rest, a beautiful gift from the Father that provides a re-set, new mercies for the morning.  Thankful.  Today is feeling a bit better than the one before, which doesn't necessarily mean I'm out of the side effect woods yet, I've learned, but I will savor this moment.  Because I can choose to.  

So we are 1/3 thru the chemos we know we have to do so far.  I say that because this cancer treatment plan is always up for revision based on what the data tells the oncologist.  So, I try to hold it loosely, it will help me handle it better if it changes.  I think.  Gotta really hold it all that way, otherwise I get cranky.  Like how I got cranky when dear old "aunt flo" came for her monthly visit on chemo day, no less, even though I'd been told a "perk" to chemo was no more visits.   They didn't mention that it didn't kick in right away, sometime in the future they now say.  #feltduped 

On a good note, I did get my exercise privileges re-instated.   I'm no gym rat, but I do enjoy my exercise, it's taken me years to get to that place.  And the thought of having that removed from me scared me, would I become that couch potato who NEVER exercised again and gain the 50 or so pounds I've been able to keep off?!?!  The very next day, my Aunt Lorraine and I, who visited this week from PA, hopped on bikes and hit the trail.  It was a glorious fall ride.  The day after that I didn't feel like much movement at all, but I'll get back to more exercise within the next few days I hope/dream/plan.  I do still have to get in a daily 30 min walk, prescribed by dr.  I call it "walk the mom" cuz I feel like I'm walking the dog, which I don't have, so we are walking the mom.  If you ever want in on this fun, let me know, happy to switch up my walking partners from time to time.  So far, it's been hubs, my kids and Brynn mostly.  My mom and Aunt L this week. 

So we keep plugging away, kids seem to be handling all of this as well as they can.  Our visit from Aunt Lorraine and extra time with my mom was good for all of us.  So much laughter, fun times shared with colored pencils, games, movies, yummy treats and walks in beautiful Arvada.  

My friend MiChelle encouraged me early on to be mindful of not just trying to get through this cancer, but to stop along the way to see the many ways He seeks to bless us.  Each day I see, often many times each day, His fingerprints in this trial.  I also see those around me worse off than I, a single lady at chemo with no support, but a fantastic attitude.  Children on my fb feeds with debilitating issues they will live with the rest of their days, but smiling bigger than TX.  It encourages me to dig in and ask for His strength to do what I've got before me-today and today only.  Because that's all the battling I can do this day, todays allotment.  

Very much appreciate your expressions of prayers, love and support, our family is so covered by you all and we are truly humbled and grateful. Thank you for taking the time, energy and resources to step into our muck and love us.  (((( hugs )))))) for each of you!

for those asking for this info, here it is again
CareCalendar.org
Calendar ID: 240697
Security code: 1794 

We have most our needs filled thru the end of this year.  Super thankful.  We will add more dates beginning in January, so stay tuned for that.   

So today is the day.  The day I have dreaded almost since I was diagnosed.  The day I choose to remove what remains of my hair.  I started falling out in droves today.  I think I somehow thought I would get to be the one person who walks this road that gets to keep my mane as it hasn't come out as quickly as some thought it would.  Somehow this dread would escape me, I hoped, prayed and dreamed.  But today's shower drain said otherwise.  And so I will choose to take the rest so I'm not a victim.  Or so I think this is how I'll feel...

Once I became a believer over 20 years ago, I began to learn that we shouldn't focus so much on our outward appearance, because the Lord sees the heart.  We even saw this in our bible study lesson this week,

1 Samuel 16:7 New International Version But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."  

And so I've walked that tightrope over the years of enjoying feeling pretty, feminine, but not wanting to focus too much time/energy/resources on taking care of myself.  This season really humbles.  I don't like it.  I wish I didn't care so much about loosing what I have felt over the years was my best feature.  I wish it didn't matter so much to me.  But it does.  I parted with the length over a month ago.  That was hard, I told myself it was a transition.  I think it has been. 

Tomorrow, however, I get a BIG blessing compliments of the American Cancer Society, a Look Good, Feel Better workshop, think of it like a makeover tutorial for cancer patients.  They'll help me with all things superficial for ladies like me, how to do hair and makeup differently now.  I'm grateful.  I always thought a makeover could be fun, never did I dream this would be the way I'd do one.  But, I'm grateful.  A blessing.   

Today I was reading my cancer devotional, gifted me by a dear friend who has walked this road before me.  
I read 3 entries, the 3rd about loosing one's hair.   And so I keep on leaning in, because I find each time I do, He meets me.  Another blessing.

Today is 9/11, which honestly provides me lots of perspective.  Yes, today I'll loose my hair, but I still have my life, something so many others wish their almost 3,000 loved ones still had.  So, I'll grieve, cry a little and thank God for the gift I do have in my life.  Though it'll take some time, my hair will likely return.  For now I think I'll just sit in my heavenly daddy's lap and allow him to bring me His peace, love and comfort.  The best blessing of all. 



“He sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.”   —Job 5:11

One week post chemo, and hanging in there.  Side effects continue, wearing me down a little in terms of how many of them have shown up to play with me.  Thrush and a urinary tract infection have brought special fun this week ;-).  However, each day does seem a little better than the one before, so we are grateful for that.

Prayer request-please pray the chemo is doing ALL it's paid to do.  It's doing many things we wish it weren't, but as long as it's doing the one thing we want it to do -KILLING THE CANCER, then we can endure with purpose.

Your kind words of encouragement, gifts, help with the kids, meals, love, kindness and PRAYERS are so amazing.  Our family feels completely enveloped in love.  It's truly overwhelming (in a great way) at times.   I believe it's really helping how we are navigating this road.

Next chemo is Tues, Sept 20.  Pray for effectiveness please.  My aunt is flying out for a few days and will be here for this time as well.  So happy to have her come.  She's hilarious, fun and great to be around, she'll be good medicine. 

My family is away enjoying a camping trip, I opted to stay near running water with my tummy issues.  Glad they can get away, get re-juvenated and take a wknd break from cancer.  I, too am enjoying some quiet time, a clean house and friends and family.  A win-win.  Wish I could take a break from cancer also, but alas.  Prayerfully my break is next year!

Mount Cancer is feeling like, with God's constant help, we can climb and conquer.  We're a little higher up the peak, enough to look down and see where we started.  And knowing we aren't at the beginning of the trail with the WHOLE mountain ahead of us is encouraging.  Each day gets us closer to the top.  Trying to enjoy the blessings He's put along the way. 



“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”   —Psalm 46:1
 



“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”   —Psalm 46:1


“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”   —Psalm 46:1


“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”   —Psalm 46:1