Monday, August 29, 2016

"It's only breast cancer."  Words I thought I'd never desire so much to hear.  The results of the lung biopsy came in today and we didn't get to hear those words, not exactly.  I have breast cancer cells in my lungs now.    The good news is that it's a cancer they already knew was in my body and isn't a different (lung) cancer cell.  So I'm supposed to be encouraged by this.  I'm trying.  It's hard.  They tell me little will change with my treatment until the end, I'll be on a couple meds indefinitely.  They haven't given me any numbers yet, I think I'm good with that.  He holds the numbers anyway. 

Chemo started Friday,  with the exception to a couple reactions to one medication, it went okay.  The staff was very much on the reaction, all seemed to have come running in seconds.  It was scary, but I felt safe and well cared for.  

So far, the hardest part of chemo was having to send my sick son to his grandparents because he couldn't be around me.  He was miserable, didn't feel well and typically under these circumstances, he'd get extra love, snuggles and attention from me.  I couldn't be around him at all.  It killed me to send my crying boy away from his home, from me.  I hate cancer. 

Levity break: benefits of chemo
no leg hair either, yipee, smooth legs without the work
no monthly "visitor", yipee, that's a blessing, it'll likely return post chemo in case I miss it ;-)

I've been struggling with some side effects, nausea, headaches, terrible metal taste, constipation, heartburn, but overall, manageable.  I have to embrace the meds they've given me to try to offset the side effects, working on that, if you know me, you know I'm not a meds girl.  

And so we press on.  All body parts have been scanned, we have all info to date, grateful for that part to be completed.  Chemo is already killing cancer cells in my body, and we STILL trust the Father with all the details.  He has this in the palm of his hand today, just like He did last month when we got the diagnosis, just like He will in the months to come, come what may.  I'm grateful.

He gave me this skit guys skit today, really spoke to me, hope it encourages you to look at the big picture as a reading I did today with Joni Eareckson Tada encouraged me to,

Praying His comfort for all of us. 

“He sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.”   —Job 5:11


  1. You've been on my mind and in my prayers a lot. Glad to hear it isn't a different cancer in the lungs. So sorry to hear you had to send T away, but be blessed he has loving gma to go to. The verse Russ focused on yesterday was Ephesians 2:10: You are God's masterpiece created in Christ Jesus to do good works which He has planned in advance for you to do. Wherever you are, whatever you look or feel like, Ro, you are still his masterpiece. And He has good works planned out for you to do. You are valuable, sister!

  2. Thanks for the update. I think about you every day. Remember that you are not alone. You have an army of beings surrounding you, both in the physical and spiritual worlds. Cancer doesn't stand a chance against that army! Love you!!!

  3. After I read your post I couldn't think of a quick response to write-- kind of in a hurry to get to work and all. But you have been on my heart every day! So much so that last night I dreamed of you and in my dreams I was praying! Funny how God does that with me on occasion. You must be pretty special daughter if God is putting you in my dreams and "making" me pray for you. LOL! Well, I got the hint and I'm praying again this morning. God is with you girl and He's carrying you. God also has your precious family in His hands. You do what you can and let Jesus do the rest. Easier said than done, I know. The mom guilt can be relentless.
    So, you know that we are waiting on a house to be finished. Right now John and I are staying in our friends' vacation home up near Golden Gate State Park. It is a lovely place, but we have no cell coverage. At least they have Internet so I can work from home once a week. It's very peaceful and we did see a moose whilst driving through the park on Monday! My mouth was agape and I didn't get a picture. Maybe I'll get another chance. We lived in rural New Hampshire for three years and I never saw a moose. Not once. We could see the scat in a moose bed between the pond and the driveway, but never saw them. Anyway it must have been a female -- no antlers.
    We'll be moving into the new place in just over two weeks now. We'll also move John's 88 year old mom in with us. The house has a tiny MIL apartment in it so she can still have her privacy (and us, ours). It seems so unfair to have a huge house that's too big for two people and yet have her live in the adjacent 800 square feet. We will be loving on her and taking care of a lot of things she can't anymore. She is excited and very ready for this transition. We're blessed to honor her for all the sacrifices she made as a single mom of five years ago.